Do you want to get old?????

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Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing.

One lady turns and asks, 'Do you still get horny?'

The other replies, 'Oh sure I do.'

The first old lady asks, 'What do you do about it?'

The second old lady replies, 'I suck a lifesaver.'

After a few moments, the first old lady asks,

'Who drives you to the beach?'

(lifesaver = american sweet)

_____________________

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tightly so that it would not blow off in the wind.

A gentleman approached her and said: 'Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?'

'Yes, I know,' said the lady, 'I need both hands to hold onto this hat.'

'But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!' said the gentleman in

earnest.

The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied,

'Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!'

____________________

Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home reminiscing.

The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers and demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny.

The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and cheaper also, and demonstrated the size of two big onions she could buy for a penny a piece.

The third old lady remarked, 'I can't hear a word you're saying, but I

remember the guy you're talking about.'

____________________

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car. Both could barely see

over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an

intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman

in the passenger seat thought to herself, 'I must be losing it! I could have

sworn we just went through a red light.' After a few more minutes they came

to another intersection. The light was red, and again they went right

through. This time, the passenger was almost sure that the light had been

red, but was also concerned that she might be seeing things. She was getting

nervous and decided to pay close attention. At the next intersection, sure

enough, the light was definitely red and they blew right through it. She

turned to the other woman and said, 'Mildred! Did you know that you ran

through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us!'

Mildred turned to her and said, 'Oh Sh it..! Am I driving..?'

 
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