some to offend everyone

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The rescue workers at the Pakistan flood area say that the smell of

bodies is unbearable. They expect it to get worse when they start

finding the dead ones.

A charity single has been released in aid of the Pakistan Flood Relief.

It's called, "Raindrops Keep Falling On Ahmed."

There were no survivors from that recent Pakistani Airlines plane that

crashed, killing all 152 people on board. Both families are devastated.

A lesbian went for a smear test and the doctor told her, "That's the

cleanest vagina I've seen!" The lesbian replied, "Yes, I have a woman in

twice a week!"

Paddy and his wife were discussing their sex life. Paddy said, "I want

to try that wheelbarrow position tonight."

His wife asked, "What is that?"

Paddy told her, "You bend over, put your hands on the floor then I pick

your legs up and take you from behind!"

His wife said, "Hmm, okay, I'll do it on two conditions. First, if it

hurts you stop immediately and, second, ... we don't go down past my

mother's house!"

My teenage son told me that he had sex with the neighbour's daughter

last night for the first time. "Well done, son," I said, "I hope you

used something though?"

He replied, "Yeah, a balaclava!"

I went to the doctor while I was on holiday in Bangkok recently, to get

my testicles checked out. While the doc was cupping my dangly bits, she

said, "Don't worry, it's normal to get an erection during this kind of

examination."

I said, "I haven't got an erection!"

She replied, "No, but I have!"

Ramadan is here again. The one time of the year when Muslims cannot eat

or drink within the hours of daylight, they just starve.

Never has the term, "Not enough hours in the day" been more appropriate!

A bloke was sitting on a bus when a gorgeous woman next to him starts

breastfeeding her baby. The baby won't take it so she says, "Come on,

eat it all up or I'll give it to this nice man here." Ten minutes later,

the baby is still not feeding so she says again, "Eat it all up or I'll

give it to this nice man here."

The bloke says, "Listen, love, can you make your bloody mind up, I

should've got off four stops ago!"

French foreplay: Dinner, wine, sex!

Italian foreplay: Dinner, wine, caressing, sex!

Latino foreplay: Dinner, wine, dancing, caressing, sex!

Scottish foreplay: "Haw, ye awake?"

I fostered a Muslim child yesterday..... all four cans hit him on the

head!

The guy who owned the Odeon cinema group has died. His funeral is next

Friday at 2.10, 4.20 and 8.40.

I got banned from a Muslim clothes shop today. I only asked for a bomber

jacket. Touchy basta*ds!

Why do Cadbury's make white chocolate buttons?

So that black kids can have messy faces as well!

:coat :^O

 
Nice one mate lmao thought them sort of jokes would be banned lol that's why most of mine don't go on here. Nice one tho

 
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