Guys you are all a little off, but generally on the right lines!
However, I may not have described it the best way.
A single 1ph lighting load of 20A on a single ph of a 3ph supply will have an N current of 20A.
If you switch this via a contactor no bother.
Now add another 1ph identical load.
You can't balance this cross the 2ph as it is a 1ph load, thus you have a ph & N on each bank.
next ad another now you have 3 off 20A 1ph loads each on an individual ph & N.
The N is common at the contactor as they are all fed from the same one.
Now what is the N current?
It can't be balanced load side as each phase is seeing a 1ph load, back at the DNO trans it will be seen as a balanced 3ph load, but inbetween...
Unless you have 400V lighting which was not my intention, lets say its 20A of filament lamps, per phase, to avoid inrush issues!