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Got a new toaster the other day from argos it a Ricky Hatton one not very good goes down quick and it dont even do two rounds

It was entertainment night at the Nursing Home and the Amazing Claude was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff. As Claude went to the front of the meeting room, he announced, 'Unlike most hypnotists who invite two or three people up here to be...

Gordon Brown was looking for a lady of the night. He found one such girl in a local pub. He said, "I'm Prime Minister of England, how much would it cost me to spend some time with you?" She replied, "Mr Prime Minster, if you can get my skirt as high as my taxes, my pants as low as my wages, your...

An old woman saved a fairy's life. To repay this, the fairy promised to grant the old woman three wishes. For the first wish, the old lady asked to become young and beautiful. Poof! She became young and beautiful. For the second wish, the old lady asked to be richest woman in the world. Poof...

A man walks into a chemist and says to the bloke behind the counter, 'Listen, I have three girls coming over tonight. I've never had three girls at once and I need something to keep me horny... keep me potent.' The chemist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer and takes out a...

There are these two *** men, named Syrel and Sessil, driving happily along in their car. As they came to an intersection, they stopped for the red light. All of a sudden a big semi-trailer comes crunching through the back of their car! Syrel and Sessil were really ****ed! Syrel says to Sessil...

As all of you are well aware, online computers are often use to engage in cybersex. Detailed and erotic fantasies are typed into the computer to be instantly transmitted over the Internet. Sometimes these harmless fantasies become fairly raunchy. This is not the case with the following...

Got economy 10 meter in my house which been told i cant change it to economy 7 as wont have any hot water or heating, although the poxy heaters dont work anyway, so my question why cant it be swapped?

John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector. It was about 5:30 that...

I been asked to look at mates pub as he having fault with his lights, he had a dimmer switch fitted 2 months ago and now the lights have failed again, when looked worked out dimmer switch was at fault so was gonna just replace it for him then i noticed that this dimmer switch controls 8-10...

A man walks into a posh sports bar with a monkey on his shoulder, sits at the bar and orders a drink. The monkey runs off swinging on the lights and knocking over glasses. The monkey gets to the trophy cabinet and start rummaging thought the bits, finding a golf ball once used by Tiger Woods he...

How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry It! What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A battery has a positive side. What are the three fastest means of communication? 1) Television 2) Telephone 3) Telawoman How are fat girls and mopeds alike? They're both fun to ride...

smartorstoopid careful it very quick only bout 8 secs each question I got 58.5% smarter than average:D

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called David, the 11 year old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over. David clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong? He replied, 'It...

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ? The position of the dirt bag. Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it. What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever. What do lawyers use for birth control? Their personalities. What's the difference between a...

A Sparky (electrician) dies in a car accident on his 40th birthday and finds himself at the Pearly Gates. A brass band is playing, the angels are singing a beautiful hymn, there is a huge crowd cheering and shouting his name, and absolutely everyone wants to shake his hand. Just when he thinks...

Hi, Would like advise to become a eletrician, for the last 15 years been self employed whites goods engineer, but need career change as in last few months lost thousand as companys going bust the likes of servis uk mfi empire direct etc etc.. Ive done basic electrics such as fitting sockets...