Foot in mouth moments ?

[Evans Electric]

Ever stuck your foot right in your mouth without thinking ,  as time goes on I try  to think twice before letting the clutch out. !! 

I can start with this one .

At one of the companies we looked after , electrically,  their boss is pointing out some work they wanted a quote for when an attractive lady walks past , legs and all sorts . I comment   "The view is improving here Neil"    

His reply was:-

" Thats what I thought when I married her 10 years ago"   :coat baddayexplode  

 

[phil d]

I have 2 very memorable moments, one from when I went working for a company doing pub work, they installed dispense equipment, pumps, coolers etc, and decided it would be a good idea to have their own spark. I was doing the dispense stuff, but also adding sockets and any other electrical work they needed doing, it saved them loads of money.

Well we were having some new offices done and the MD roped me in for the electrics, and the network cabling amongst other things. He showed me a drawing of how the CAT 5 cabling was to be wired, basically it had something like 30 sockets, wired from one to the next, then one cable going back to the server, it was never going to work and I told him so.

"That's not happening chief, obviously the cretin who dreamed that up knows sod all about networking" I told him, stoney silence, then, "actually that was my design" he replied.

Second one, was me and a mate doing a job for a fairly posh,well off lady, we were chatting and my mate asked what she did for a living, "I'm a solicitor" she replied.At which point my mate turns round, and trying to impress with his knowledge of big words asked, "oh you must make loads of money then, how long have you been soliciting for?"

 

[ProDave]

Okay, this one is very politically incorrect, and could have got me the sack.

I was designing industrial machinery at the time. The Office I was in was a "cube farm" (google it or ask Dilbert)  My opposite cube companion who I rarely looked at as we were back to back had only recently moved to the area, and was looking for a house. He was telling me one he had looked at and he could not believe how many beds there were, at least 3 in every room.  "Must have been owned by a familly of Paki's" said my great big mouth, temporarily forgetting that was where he came from. His reply was "yes we do tend to have large famillies" 

 

[Lurch]

I wouldn't consider any of these to be foot in mouth moments and I will have said similar within recent weeks.

You are all sheltered/soft!

 

[M107]

My customer at the weekend...........

We were late packing up & the apprentice mentioned how hungry he was & how he was going to demolish what ever his Mrs had cooked for the evening meal...

Customer pipes up "courgette all hope of mine cooking sod all,  she's ****e at cooking so I took over the kitchen duties long ago......infact she's good at courgette all so I do the cleaning as well"

Apprentice pipes up with a cough....she's good at creeping up the stairs though

"like a bull in a china shop she is............and she's at work till 8"

In a polite Downton Abbey lady Mary type voice she gives it "She will be good enough to make a bed up for you in the garage tonight, before she & the kids goes out for a nice meal with your credit card"

msl1:

 

[phil d]

Many moons ago I was working for a firm and they took this new lad on, he was useless and had been sacked from every other firm in the area, in fact the last firm he worked for was with a mate of mine and he got sacked for causing a flood that brought the ceiling down in a large club!

Anyway I ended up being sent to Aberdeen to run a job on Pitodrie Stadium,Aberdeen FC's ground, and he was one of my crew.

He was very sly and wouldn't say how much he was being paid, it turned out that although he was  new starter he was on more money than me.

Well we were in this bar when I found out how much he was on and I went mental, I rang my manager and told him in no uncertain terms I wasn't happy. He said I'd have to  take it up with one of the higher managers so, I rang him but couldn't get through.

The following morning I'm on site and I'm telling one of the lads about what had happened and how I'm not having it, the other lads agreed it was wrong. Anyway I'm effing and blinding about what I'm going to say to this boss when I speak to him, suddenly the other lad's phone rings, it's the big boss, he asks to speak to me and as I'm talking to him I can hear an echo. He then informs me that my phone had dialled him (I hadn't locked the keypad) and he'd heard every word I  had said to the lads, and he wasn't happy.

I told him that since he'd already heard it then I didn't need to repeat it and hung up.

The upshot was when I got back we had a right argument, I got my pay rise, but he thought I was wrong about the new lad being a liability, over the next few weeks he made numerous cock ups, culminating in the rather spectacular one that got him sacked.

He arrived in work one Monday morning and announced that a rather curious thing had happened over the weekend, His van had been stolen from outside his house on Friday night, no he hadn't reported it,even though he had the bosses phone number. Although he had the keys in his pocket, and the van was fitted with an alarm and immobilser, it had been taken, not only that but it had been returned to the same spot on Sunday night, undamaged and with all the tools still inside, even stranger, whoever had taken it had drawn £100 worth of diesel on the fuel card!