Screwfix S***

[M107]

Forgot to post this on Friday

In the local electrifix getting a few bits & having a chat with the lad behind the counter, when this bloke bales off his bike outside the door & trots in wearing the cycling lycra................

(mamil) "can I use your loo please"

(sf bloke) " err no sorry its policy as its a secure area behind the counter"

(mamil) "please I'm suffering with a dick tum after last night, Im desperate"

(sf bloke) "hold on I can ask but it will be a no"

So I say to mamil if he nips over the road to plumb base they have a customer toilet, he says thanks and legs it out the door. I gather my bits to leave.

I meet mamil pushing his bike in the sf carpark.........................lets just say he didn't make plumb base.

 

[ProDave]

That's a bit of a sh1t story.

 

[kerching]

WTF is one of these?

(mamil) "please I'm suffering with a dick tum after last night, Im desperate"

If he was indeed "feeling a little loose" i would have thought that having a wedgie from a bike saddle would not be your first choice.

There again if he chose to wear lycra it would at least keep any creepage/seepage to a minimum......a bit like a wet suit BUT in a more sort of solid way

Just ....standing upwind and chuckling

Could be worse........65 seconds in is the defining moment

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pde9ACMKRTs

 

[NozSpark]

I know that a lot of sailors, etc go no.1s in their wetsuits,,,,, but NEVER no.2s

 

[kerching]

Had a student do the No2 trick in egypt.........fed the fish for about 20 minutes

Our fault really....we goaded him to "go.in his suit as he was desperate and there were about 15 others wanting to get up the ladder onto the boat.

Little did we realise he was not just "wetting" his suit......nice!

 

[NozSpark]

Can no.2s even find their way out without removing the "suit"

 

[Blue Duck]

Mmmmmmmmmmmmm

If the cyclist had made it behind the counter at sf they could have kept the mess and put it with the other lap sockets...

 

[kerching]

Can no.2s even find their way out without removing the "suit"

Egyptian No2s can get out of a gas tight joint box!

His wet suit as as loose as a Wizards Sleeve Nd he had elected not to fully pull up his zip.

He was made to stay in the water with only his wetsuit on, fully unzipped until most of his breakfast had washed away. We stood on "shark watch" just in case they sensed his predicament!.....mind you no sharks had been sighted in the area for a couple of months....apparently we forgot to tell him that

 

[NozSpark]

Well what use is that then?????

Mine is as tight a another fourmites gimp suit (at a guess) but it is starting to become looser seeing as I've lost 2 stone

 

[kerching]

Well what use is that then?????

Mine is as tight a another fourmites gimp suit (at a guess) but it is starting to become looser seeing as I've lost 2 stone

Exactly!

But he bought it off ebay and was extremely proud of it!

His flawed theory was that he would get more water in it and thus be warmer!

Whoops!

 

[ProDave]

Well I'll bet his deposit warmed his suit up a bit.

 

[kerching]

we couldn't stop laughing as he was constantly scanning for sharks in case we 'missed any'

occasionaly someone would shout 'whats that over there?'

he was nick named 'shark bait'   and the name has stuck!