What a joke!

[misssweden]

It's great that you're finally getting help @phil d, and you're setting a great example by speaking up about mental health issues.  :Salute  

Don't stress about work now, like other have said it's all about small steps towards improvement. Tackle things as they come, and right now it's all about you and your health. 

As for the NHS and the mental health service, I was refered to an eating disorder clinic 5 years ago and had to wait over 3 months for my first appointment. At the point of my first GP appointment I had already decided that I needed to try to get better, so I could cope (well, sort of anyway) with the wait, but people who are worse off than I was would probably deteriorate if they had to wait for that long. 

I'm now as recovered as anyone with an EDNOS diagnosis gets, but I still avoid certain things that I know would trigger it. 

 

[phil d]

Thanks for all your support,I have another session today and we'll have to see how it goes.I,ve done a lot of soul searching over the last few days and have finally accepted that maybe now I am a ex electrician,I honestly can't see anyone employing me now at my age,so it's time to look for a hobby I think,possibly looking at buying a train set,now that should give me lots of things to think about.

 

[apprentice87]

Just take one thing at a time... The problem is [and the thing that tossers like the DWP and ATOS cannot understand] is that one day you can be "fairly" fine, and think you can do a lot more than you can really cope with, then, you suddenly realise that you cannot cope and how ill you are..

Problem arises, because you might like to do a bit of work, even for free, like a volunteer, but this gets held against you BIG TIME.

Just see how you get on though.. Rome was not built in a day, and you, it seems to me, are just starting to get proper help after 20 years of being basically messed about. You will have up and downs and self doubts, but all you can do is to see how it goes... If you do decide that you will have to call it a day, no worries, you have struggled enough by the sounds of it. Just do what is best for you...

john...

 

[phil d]

Just a quick update for you guys,I've been in therapy for a few weeks now and am suprised at how well it's going.I don't feel half as stressed and the flashbacks and panic attacks are becoming less,last week my wife was off on a weeks holiday and we spent the time doing things in the garden,we had to go to the local shed and get some plants and normally this would have been quite a stressful experience,this time it was quite pleasant for a change.I managed it quite easily and the following day went out again,I only set myself small goals and then build on that,if I'm ok in one shop then I may venture into another,I even managed to have a wander around,rather than just rushing in,grabbing what I need and rushing out again,I still worry about things but I'm only worrying about things that are relavent,rather than just worrying,but it's all about perspective and reaching acheivable goals.Apparently they reckon that most people with problems like mine set themselves up to fail by setting targets that cannot be met,so I decided to try a different approach and it worked.I had several jobs to do in the garden and normally I'd look at it and say ok,today I need to do, A,B,C D and E,then if I didn't get them all done for whatever reason I'd be on a downer,this time I thought ok,tomorrow I'll do A,then maybe B then if I get time I'll move on to the others,I got most of the things done and the one's I didn't I finished the day after,The world didn't end just because I didn't get a few jobs done and I felt a lot better.I've started writing a bit of a book as well,this helps me to rationalize things and make sense of it all,one of the most important things I have done is not lost my temper over the last week,I normally run on a hair trigger and the slightest thing sets me off,now when I feel things are about to get out of control I take a deep breath and think happy thoughts.A very important part of the programme is called "dare to share" and basically you are encouraged to talk about the events that caused the problem's,initially this is with a counsellor then later on with friends and family,from this you learn how  to deal with the problem and what if anything can be done about it.In my case it was physical abuse at school when I was about 7 years old,those involved are long since dead and no matter how much I wanted to hurt them it wasn't going to happen,so by behaving the way I was the only people I was hurting was myself and those around me,now I've accepted this I feel a lot better.Below is an extract from my "book",it gives an incite into some of the thing's that went on,I hope some of you will find it interesting and maybe it will help others in similar situations to talk about what they have been through.

It started in the mid 70's,I was about 7 at the time and had just started junior school,it was a horrible place,run by a tyrannical headmaster who seemed to delight in beating the kids at every opportunity,and when I say beating I mean proper beating!
I remember once in PE and this lad named Steven was acting the fool but the headmaster thought it was me,he grabbed me and gave me a real hiding, I ended up being bounced off a wall! I avoided taking part in PE lessons for weeks afterwards,the same bloke used to teach us handwriting once a week and insisted we all learned how to do really neat "joined up" writing as it was called.Now that would have been OK,but there was one major problem and that was he expected everybody to be right handed,left handedness had no place in his class and that was where the trouble started.Now unfortunately for me I happened to be left handed and that somehow wound him up,he'd walk around the class looking at everyone's writing and if he caught you using your left hand then he'd hit you across the knuckles with the edge of a ruler,this became another lesson I dreaded,sometimes we'd have a different teacher who accepted that some people were left handed and his lessons were fine,then we'd have the headmaster again and out would come the ruler,as a result my writing is terrible,I just guess I gave up,those beatings were a regular part of school life,once he made me eat something in the dining hall that I told him I didn't like and when I was sick I got hit for throwing up on the floor,I swore that one day I'd get even with him for what I'd been through,but many years later when I had the chance,I was about 18 at the time,I realised what a pathetic little bully he was.

 

[Sharpend]

Well I applaud you Phil, I imagine it has taken a lot of courage to write and talk about those experiences and can only imagine the pain that you held inside. I would encourage you to talk from the heart to those closest to you as the more you talk about it the easier it becomes to deal with. 

I have recently had to start some therapy and it has opened a can of worms for me as I have just found out that what I thought was a 'normal' childhood could not have been further from the truth. The result being that the experiences from the past have developed unconsciously throughout my life and have left me with behaviour that I could never understand. However like you I find that the more I can talk about it the more I can see it for what it was. It was never my problem it was theirs I have just made it my problem through my own thoughts. 

I like you have still a long way to go to rebuild my mental state but we have made a start, so I wish to encourage you to stay with it no matter how painful it feels at the time. God bless. 

 

[phil d]

@ sharpend,what you say is very true,talking about it does help and that is one of the great things about a forum,yes we "know" people well enough to open up about our problems to a certain extent,but we feel safe enough because we know that what we discuss on here isn't going to be broadcast around the local neighbourhood.I don't know your situation,that's something that you,like me may or may not open up about in your own time,however it makes me annoyed to think that both of us are in one way or another "paying" for the misdeeds of others.When you hear of victims of abuse coming forward many years after the event people are all too quick to say "why did it take them so long?" Well in a way I suppose I was as guilty of this as many others were,it took me a long time to realise that what I suffered was physical abuse,and it's taken me a long time to open up about it,it's only after discussing thing with my counsellor that I began to realise the extent of what went on,there was also more sinister things that happened to other people and it was initially suggested that I may wish to talk through it all with other agencies,however I don't feel able to do that at the moment.

I think it's important for people to realise why we discuss things like this,it's not for any form of sympathy,merely to raise awareness of what can and does happen in the hope that others may find the courage to speak out about things that have happened to them and by doing so get help.When I look back at what my situation has cost me I feel a huge sense of pain and frustration,pain at the way my personal life has been affected,failed relationships etc and frustration at the length of time it has taken me to get the help I need,I can never get back what I have lost,and coming to terms with this is a big part of my therapy as is realising none of it was my fault.I hope that you and anyone else in a situation like mine can find the support and the strength to come to terms with your problems and hopefully come out the other side a better and stronger person.

 

[Sharpend]

What I find is a common trait of mental illness is that it all hinges on what we think rather than what is, as humans we can be easily offended, influenced, manipulated, and very often without even realising. Very often we keep our thoughts to ourself so only ever have our understanding of any situation, which may be wrong but we believe it to be right. Our moods, emotions are all dependant upon what is going on either around us or within us, what we don't seem to be able to do easily is detach ourselves from these thoughts/feelings so we tend to live according to them. 

If we were to look at ourselves from a different perspective and therefore detach ourselves from the thought or feeling then we would not be offended, hurt by the actions of others. We would realise that the problem belongs to them and not us, we tend to heal from physical scars but mental scars we hold on too, often we blame ourselves for an event that happens believing we were doing wrong. The real pain is the fact that many of these experiences happen to us when we are children and are not equipped to deal with the issue that causes the pain. Tragically the physical event passes away shortly after it happens, the mental pain stays until we know how to give it up and release ourselves, for most it takes years before we truly understand the what whys and wherefores of the mental side. 

By talking about the problems or in my case the past, we can deal with the impact better, for when we speak it out we can often get a better perspective of it than if we only think it through, I have found that I do most of the talking with little input from the therapist, although their input is designed to make you rethink, just by hearing myself talking about it makes the whole situation clearer? 

 

[binky]

talking to strangers can be easier than family, if you can find someone to listen...

Most people have a bout of mental health problems at some point in life. We just don't talk about it, store up the problems, and get ill  :shakehead