wholesalers?

[johnston1991]

hi, i'v decided to go around a few local wholesalers and put some posters up to try and get some work for my apprentiship, iv managed to come up with the below..

as electricians what would you think if you saw it? should i change or add anything to it??

many thanks

 

[Apache]

Many thank? Plural - thanks.

Would it not be better to make contact directly. Not sure you'll get far with posters.

Good luck with it

 

[johnston1991]

oops, suppose i should proof read it properly :/

your probably right with the direct contact but i havent had any luck yet, just trying to increase the odds a bit,

but thanks

 

[Dane]

Own transport, willing to travel, how far ure willing to travel also.

 

[Robin Spark]

Hi James,

just a few pointers

1. Make sure your grammar and spelling is correct because you have made a few mistakes so this wont give a very good impression! Ok we understand you are not asking to become an english teacher, but is there anyone at home who could proof read your poster before taking it to your local wholesalers?

2. Is that really your mobile number that you've just posted onto the Web! Your asking for loads of hassle doing things like that if your not careful.

3. As Apache says contacting your local electrical contractors personally by phone might be better option. You've got a CV and portfolio so this will be helpful, again just ensure the presentation and wording is all correct.

4. Dont give up if you get loads of negative responses, things are hard at the moment for a lot of companies so if they say no then you could always reply;

a. when can I phone you back? Have you got any new contracts awaiting?

b. Can I send you my CV anyway, just in case you get busy

c. Do you know any other companies or contact that might be looking for Apprentices.

Good luck with your search

 

[Evans Electric]

Proof read it again Johnston, " ....a company.... " and capital letter.. I have full potrfolio... . Sorry to be picky but its best to get it right. Otherwise fine.

I think its a good idea to advertise in the wholesalers , its where the people you are targeting visit, after all. If I had loads of work on, which I don't, and lived in Buckingham, which I don't, I'd probably be interested in your ad.

Good point from Dane, transport situation and willing to travel.

Own tools ???

Wish you luck ,

Deke

 

[johnston1991]

robin spark:

thankyou for the good pointers i need to really put some thought into it and come up with a final copy but il take all that into consideration,

Deke:

no problem about that iid rather people pick up on it now and tell me straight afterall your the kinda people im going to try and make the impresion on so cheers

cheers for all your points il get a final copy sorted out and get some one at home to give it a read before going out with it,

many thanks

 

[SPECIAL LOCATION]

robin spark: thankyou for the good pointers i need to really put some thought into it and come up with a final copy but il take all that into consideration,

Deke:

no problem about that iid rather people pick up on it now and tell me straight afterall your the kinda people im going to try and make the impresion on so cheers

cheers for all your points il get a final copy sorted out and get some one at home to give it a read before going out with it,

many thanks

Hello Johnstone....

I think you need to just change the angle of attack a bit on the opening lines... to grab the attention of any possibly electricians...

something along the line of...

Any electricians in need of an enthusiastic, keen to learn, reliable, temporary mate to provide that "second pair of hands" on a few jobs?

I am the person you are looking for....

etc.. etc..

I would modify some of your lines a bit to make them more straight forward and to the point...

i.e. Less info to read, more to the point will attract more readers!

Have you got your flyer in a bog standard text format you can post on here or PM to me & I will offer some Re-worded suggestion of the same info.

e.g. your name is the least important bit of info for someone reading...

it can go at the bottom with contact details!

Regards

SL> Guinness

 

[johnston1991]

hi SL

yee that does sound good im no good with these word things as you've probably noticed :/

iv got the flyer in a word document at the moment il try and work out how to pm it to you

thanks

 

[Apache]

hi SLyee that does sound good im no good with these word things as you've probably noticed :/

iv got the flyer in a word document at the moment il try and work out how to pm it to you

thanks

Highlight it in word, copy and paste into here

 

[SPECIAL LOCATION]

hi SLyee that does sound good im no good with these word things as you've probably noticed :/

iv got the flyer in a word document at the moment il try and work out how to pm it to you

thanks

Just Copy & Paste the text onto a post on the forumbulator! :x ; )

 

[johnston1991]

Level 3 Electrical apprentice looking for full/part time work

Hi my names James and I

 

[SPECIAL LOCATION]

Level 3 Electrical apprentice looking for full/part time workHi my names James and I

 

[SPECIAL LOCATION]

Highlight it in word, copy and paste into here

Patch was doing Pushy - Shovey again!!!:OX( :_| :_| :_|

 

[Apache]

Patch was doing Pushy - Shovey again!!!:OX( :_| :_| :_|

I can't help it if you type slow.

 

[SPECIAL LOCATION]

I can't help it if you type slow.

type slower as well......

Play fair! :| :x ]