A Greek and Italian were sitting in a Starbuck's one day discussing who had the superior culture. Over triple lattes, the Greek guy says, "well, we have the Parthenon."
Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "we have the Coliseum."
The Greek retorts, "we Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics."
The Italian, nodding agreement, says, "but we built the Roman Empire"
And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, "we invented sex!"
The Italian thinks for a couple of seconds and replies quietly, "that is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women!"
The Greek god Zeus was flying over a Greek island and noticed a naked woman washing herself, so he swooped down and made love to her.
Then he said, "In 9 months you shall have a child and you shall call him Hercules!"
And the woman replied, "In 9 days you shall have a rash and you shall call it herpes."
SKY News: Petrol bomb attack at Greek May day protest.
Well, I don't believe it. Greece is supposed to be skint, so how the f*** can they afford petrol?
An elderly British gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane.
At the French immigration desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag.
"You have been to France before, Monsieur?" the Immigration officer asked, sarcastically.
The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously.
"Then you should know well enough to have your passport ready."
The British gentleman says, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."
"Impossible. The British always have to show their passports on arrival in France!"
The elderly gentleman gave the French Immigration Officer a long hard look.
Then he quietly explained;
"Well, the last time I was here, I came ashore on Juno Beach on D-Day in June 1944, and I couldn't find any f***ing Frenchmen to show it to."
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The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Brits have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorised from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was
precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.
It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on all of their allies, just in case.
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Why does the French flag have Velcro? So the blue and red sections are easily removed during a time of war.
I'm absolutely knackered from my French self-defence class last night.
I've never run so far in all my life.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British.
CONCLUSION
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you
