Personal Statement, Please Help!

[A_Kinsella]

Hello all,

I am a Teacher looking for a career change. I am looking to join an apprenticeship, and as such, I've been fixing up my CV and personal statements. I've gotten through a few drafts of the personal statement but the best way to check is to ask the experts- you guys. 

If you wouldn't mind, could you give it a once-over and tell me what you think? Feel free to go full Paxman/Cowell on it. No holds barred. Your help would be greatly appreciated. Note that the last two sentences of the first paragraph of the statement will be altered according to which company I am applying to.

Here goes!

Dear Sir/Madam,

I would like to be considered to be an Electrical apprentice. As a graduate with a B.Sc. in Industrial and Environmental physics (2017) with many years’ experience teaching I believe I have a strong foundation in both the theory and practical knowledge of Electronics which I am keen to develop in a work setting. As an international Fortune 500 company, I would be privileged to do my apprenticeship and make my own small contribution of “advancing the world of health” with Becton Dickinson working at the forefront of medical technologies.

I want to become an electrician for the opportunity to work out of a desk setting. I want to work with my hands. I seek the job satisfaction of being able to see the tangible results of my labour after a day’s work. I want to work on various tasks from day to day. I want to be able to look at something I’ve made or repaired and be able to say “I did that.”

I have spent three years teaching Physics and Chemistry, beginning during my college tenure as a private tutor and becoming a high school teacher in China. Because of this experience I believe what I can bring to the role is being able help my fellow apprentices during the academic side of the job. Of course, I am seeking the apprenticeship to learn first and foremost. The only way I can achieve success in this role is to listen, learn and ask questions from my more experienced seniors.

During my College tenure in Physics I took many courses to do with Electronics such as Instrumentation, Control Theory, and of course a module called ‘Electronics’. There I learned the lessons necessary to be effective in building and maintaining electrical systems. First and foremost is I am responsible for my own safety in the workplace setting. Secondly, neatness is next to godliness. A typical electrical system will contain many components and wires. If the circuit is not properly planned and labelled it is easy to get lose track, even if you are the one building it. This is especially important when working as part of a team. Some examples of projects I completed as part of a team include a Wheatstone bridge with Thermistor and PID Control, a demonstration of the use of the Freedericksz Transition in LCD screens, and creating a 7-segment LED display using an Arduino. I hope to build on these skills in a professional, practical setting.  

I am eager to get started in a new career as an Electrician. It will be hard, but rewarding, work. As an apprentice I will approach the role focused on hard work, punctuality, team work, asking questions and learning to anticipate the needs of the journeyman. I hope you will consider my application and to hear from you soon.

 

[Evans Electric]

Hmm !  No replies as yet .

We get many , many  posts such as yours on here  and  I have to say its is  difficult  to give advice  .      The reason  I say that is the traditional trade apprenticeship starting  at  age  16 say  is a very rare beast indeed these days  .   

The government seem to  look at the route of mature students ,   changing careers  ,  paying good money for college courses  and becoming electricians /plumbers / heating engineers  in a few weeks .  

I have to point out that your career background is very far removed from anything to do with being an electrician  in all honesty.   

To highlight your final sentence as an example .

Some examples of projects I completed as part of a team include a Wheatstone bridge with Thermistor and PID Control, a demonstration of the use of the Freedericksz Transition in LCD screens, and creating a 7-segment LED display using an Arduino. I hope to build on these skills in a professional, practical setting.  

This stuff is a million miles from being a practical  electrician .         Your  B.Sc  I'd say is as much use  as me  trying to be a teacher with a mere C&Gs   Elect.  Inst.   say,    Please don't take offence .  

Things have moved on since my day but my "Apprenticeship"   consisted of leaving school at 15  with a few O levels .      Attending day release to attain relevant C&Gs  . 

Spending 3 years in heavy industry , working with  electricians on breakdowns to 1000 ton cold extrusion presses ,  Cincinatt  machine tools ,  high frequency furnaces ,   drop hammers  & hot forgings presses making engine castings  etc .  

Then another 3 years in electrical contracting  working on new schools , Hospitals , MOD  &   car industry  plants .   You only became an electrician at age 21  then . 

To be a "Mature " electrician today  you need to sign up & pay for the relevant C&Gs courses .     Start with an electrical firm as a Trainee /labourer to gain practical experience  .   You MUST do at least one years practical employed training .  

I don't think the term "electrician"  is the right one for what you are  seeking  to be honest ,  electricians  are "plumbers  with brains"   .

I'd stick to teaching if I were you    ...there are those who can teach and those  who can do .    Electricians  can "do"   , they get off their arses , go out into the cold , climb ladders ,  pull in cable , run  miles of trunking  , sort out problems & faults  .   

 

[A_Kinsella]

Evans Electric,

Thanks for the feedback. Yeah not too many replies of yet. By mentioning some of my college projects I was hoping to get across that I'm familiar with the workings of electrical systems already so that potential employers could be assured they were hiring someone who had a good grounding in the basics at least. Same reason I mentioned the B. Sc. It's your opinion that these things aren't worth mentioning on a personal statement? You are obviously far more experienced in this field than I am and I would really benefit and appreciate any further insight on how to get in to this career.

I wasn't aware of these C&G's courses. I am from Ireland and I don't think we have those. On my search so far I've been seeing 'No experience necessary' Electrical Apprenticeships, as they tend to take on people who have finished secondary school only. 

As far as 'plumbers with brains' goes, that is the career I'm seeking. I want to do something practical out of a desk. To "get off my arse" as you say. Do you have any other comments on the personal statement? What kind of things do you look for on a CV/ Personal statement for a potential apprentice? 

 

[Evans Electric]

There will be an Irish equivalent to City & Guilds  I'm sure .  Theres a couple of Irish Sparks on here who may chip in .  

I didn't mean to belittle your B.Sc  in any way , just that  these days there seems to be a specific list  of qualifications  applying to this trade which would be very expensive to attain for someone like yourself as you'd be paying for them all .        I 've lost track of them all now to be honest ,  theres AM2 s  ...a something or other  3 .   

You must take care  NOT to paying for useless  courses that don't apply to this trade .  

Personally I wouldn't be employing anyone these days as I'm semi - retired .    However going back a few years , if we had a large ongoing contract on  , we could have taken on a mature  trainee say , keen , willing to work & learn along the way .        In fact we did .   

In all honesty , regarding a CV  ,  most  contractors would be looking for an experienced operative  these days .