Cover Letter help

[Jazza]

Hi all I was wondering if I could get some advice on my covering letter. I am looking for some regular work experience in the North East area, Durham, Darlington, Middlesbrough, Stockton, and surrounding areas. What do you think so far, any criticism is welcome.

Hello my name is Jared Wallace and I have moved from New Zealand so my wife can be close to her family. My previous line of work was operating and setting timber machines in a large Sawmill. I was never quite satisfied with my job there and had wondered about changing careers to become an electrician. Whilst working there I managed to spend time with the resident electrician to get to know a little bit more about the trade.

After moving to the Teesside area I have taken up my interest in becoming an electrician by studying a BTEC Advanced Diploma in Electrical Installation which I will complete soon. I have also had the opportunity of some hands on experience on a few rewires and extension

 

[Apache]

Like the letter.

Wouldn't bother giving your name at the start, it's there at the end. Are you going to enclose a CV with the letter? Might be nice to state your age, unless that's in your CV.

I'm sure you know this but 'Yours sincerely' the 's' is lower case and the ending only appropriate if you are writing to a named individual, otherwise for a 'Dear Sir' letter you would end 'Yours faithfully'. It's always better to write to a named person.

I wonder if there is something you can do to imporove your chances - such as try to personalise the letter as much as you can, look for websites see if there is anything you can pick up on. Eg

"I see from your website you specialise in home automation, this is an area that has always interested me"

Is there anything else you learnt from the previous job(s) that might be relavant? Did you handle money, have any managerial roles, responsibilities (eg key holder) and have you any qualifications that although not strictly relavant might help to 'sell' yourself and make you stand out from the crowd, without looking like a nutcase!

Good luck

 

[Apache]

My spelling and grammar are apalling but there are a few things I notice as I read - you need someone like KME to do this really. See my red:

Hello my name is Jared Wallace and I have moved from New Zealand so my wife can be close to her family. My previous line of work was operating and setting timber machines in a large Sawmill. I was never quite satisfied with my job there and had wondered about changing careers to become an electrician. Whilst working there I managed to spend time with the resident electrician to get to know a little bit more about the trade.

After moving to the Teesside area I have taken up my interest in becoming an electrician by studying a BTEC Advanced Diploma in Electrical Installation which I will complete soon. I have also had the opportunity of some hands on experience on a few rewires and extension

 

[Jazza]

Thanks mate, that was a big help. Yes i do have a C.V, I will send that with my covering letters to a few prospective employers. I will try tailor each letter to each employer, is that wise or should i not do that?

 

[Apache]

Thanks mate, that was a big help. Yes i do have a C.V, I will send that with my covering letters to a few prospective employers. I will try tailor each letter to each employer, is that wise or should i not do that?

I think in this competitive market you HAVE to!

Just proof read everything and make sure you are not leaving another companies details in!

 

[SPECIAL LOCATION]

Hi all I was wondering if I could get some advice on my covering letter. I am looking for some regular work experience in the North East area, Durham, Darlington, Middlesbrough, Stockton, and surrounding areas. What do you think so far, any criticism is welcome.Hello my name is Jared Wallace and I have moved from New Zealand so my wife can be close to her family. My previous line of work was operating and setting timber machines in a large Sawmill. I was never quite satisfied with my job there and had wondered about changing careers to become an electrician. Whilst working there I managed to spend time with the resident electrician to get to know a little bit more about the trade.

After moving to the Teesside area I have taken up my interest in becoming an electrician by studying a BTEC Advanced Diploma in Electrical Installation which I will complete soon. I have also had the opportunity of some hands on experience on a few rewires and extension

 

[Jazza]

The phrase "I am writing to you...."Is an absolute big NO NO in any letter!!! completely unnecessary phrase.. :_|

the respondent KNOWS you are writing to them

because they are holding your letter!

The opening paragraph should state your intentions..

Yours doesn't!?

Just lots of information about a stranger who I have no interest in at this point in time...

That info can come later IF needed.

A phrase such as "I was never satisfied".. Is a negative comment NOT a positive..

It doesn't sell anything positive about yourself IMHO..

If I were a prospective employer I would think..

we he/she may still not be satisfied with our job role!!!

so I wont even risk looking at this person.

I don't think any prospective employer has any real initial interest about what your close families personal preferences are....

And is therefore irrelevant to the initial opening letter requesting an opportunity for consideration for any available vacancies.

More looking for What motivates and drives you as a person,

What have you got to offer this business,

then other external interest and hobbies do you have, (are you a well rounded person)

I am no expert and my comment may be completely up my own rear end..

But I was alway taught that a busy company boss doesn't want to read all the way down a letter to find out what it is you are asking!

the old model we were told is:-

• Tell em what you are going to say
  
• Say what you told em you were going to say
  
• Tell em what you just told em.
  

i.e.

• Opening paragraph state your intentions.. what you want what you are looking for.
  
• Body of the letter go over bit more details why you want it and why they should need you.
  
• Concluding paragraph thanking them very much for their time and reminded what you just asked for!
  

Have you checked for any careers organisation round where you are that can offer any additional letter writing advice ?

:|

:coffee

Interesting points mate. I havent as yet looked for any organisations, but definately something i will do. will keep trying to perfect my cover letter. any more criticism is welcome

 

[Jazza]

Im also seeing on the internet alot of places are saying you should let them know that you will ring them in a few days to follow up. Does that sound too forward in your guys eyes if someone said that in a cover letter?