I obviously can't watch them at all times, but when I have checked the app, they are always charging with similar power, there are always a few watts between them, but as you say, they must vary this, because they always seem to reach 99-100% within a short time of each other, and when I've noticed, it seems to be the smaller bank that gets there last, the opposite of what you'd expect. That's the slave bank.
As for discharging, I've seen everything, sometimes they are discharging at the same rate, other times totally different, sometimes one bank is discharging while the other is not discharging at all. I think they seem to discharge at the same rate with large loads, but not smaller loads.
I genuinely have no idea how they do it. All I know is that when I first commed them together they didn't share at all, each battery bank only charged on what it's array was producing, I hadn't checked discharge at that time. Then my supplier got involved after me moaning that despite having export set to zero, they were still exporting 2-3kwh a day. They messed with them remotely for about a week, and at the end of it the systems played very nicely with each other.
If I can stop this 200w min load rubbish (which hopefully your solution will work), then this system will be pretty near perfect.