Alzheimers

[Apache]

Cheat - you googled that

They have to come from your head

 

[Andy™]

Cheat - you googled thatThey have to come from your head

i didnt google it!!

i have about 1500 of these on my computer!

 

[Apache]

same thing -

no looking up of any sorts

 

[Andy™]

Sad news. Paddy has just been sacked from his job at the local prison for refusing to fix the electric chair. He was quoted saying "I'm not touching that thing,it's a ****ing deathtrap."

 

[Apache]

How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

2 but they have to be small mice

 

[Andy™]

Mick and Paddy were never much good at hitch-hiking.For a start they would always get up really early to avoid the traffic.

---------

Newsflash!!!

Police have arrested a man for selling pills that will give you eternal youth. Records show that it is the fourth time this man has been arrested.

The earlier arrests were made in 1799, 1852 and 1921.

 

[Apache]

A boat load of Viagra sank - it raised the Titanic

When you take Viagra you must drink a full glass of water - or you get a stiff neck

 

[Andy™]

how do you make a Venetian Blind?

throw sand in his eyes

Well, it is an alzheimers thread!

 

[Apache]

I was thinking of trying that one!

 

[Andy™]

I was thinking of trying that one!

too slow!

 

[Apache]

2 atoms are talking - one says to the other 'I think I've lost an electron'. The other asks - 'are you sure?' The second replies - 'yes I'm positive'

 

[Andy™]

Freezing temperatures in Liverpool this morning.

Reports say it was so cold, a scouser was seen with his hands in his own pockets!

 

[Apache]

A scientist goes into a supply store and asks for some Adenosine Tri-phosphate.

The bloke behind the counter replies that'll be eighty pee (say it aloud)

 

[Andy™]

15 white men chase a black man through mcdonalds, police ask an eye-wtness, "why didnt you help?"

the eyewitness responded, "i thought 15 men was enough..."

 

[Nicky Tesla]

A man went to his doctors and asked the receptionist " did i make an appointment for my alzheimers"

 

[Nicky Tesla]

2 eggs boiling in a pan, one says "have you seen the size of my crack" and the other replys "pack it in, your'e making me go hard"

 

[Apache]

A man went to the doctor's and the doctor diagnosed him with rabies. The man asked for a pen and paper. The man asked the doctor for a pen and paper.

the doctor asked if he was making a will - the man replied 'no I'm making a list of people I'm going to bite'

 

[Andy™]

URGENT!!!!!!!!!

Dont forget....all your clocks go back this Sunday..

So go and find your receipts.

 

[Apache]

a chicken in bed with an egg. The Egg is smoking a cigarette. He turns to the chicken and says - well that clears that up.............

 

[Andy™]

i was in a restaurant last night and i called the waiter over, i said "theres a worm in my pie" , the waiter said " i think you'll find that its fat" , i said " its entitled to be , its eaten all the meat!"