Larnacaman's Joke selection..........

[batty]

I can now report I solved it...well...errr...ummm.....shall we settle for it is completed......I just love Google....yer I did...I cheated ....but I would put a bet on that I am not the only one who cheated !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I didn't cheat just got there after a while trouble is now I can't do it again will have to get my son to show me how its done.

 

[Badger]

i done it with a hop skip and a jump :^O

 

[Badger]

i done it with a hop skip and a jump :^O

 

[Bwy]

I can now report I solved it...well...errr...ummm.....shall we settle for it is completed......I just love Google....yer I did...I cheated ....but I would put a bet on that I am not the only one who cheated !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My friend has just seen this and he said ...........

"If you did not know something in your job you turn to the regs for guidance"

He went on to say..........

"you turned to Google for the answer what's the difference"

I like my friends I do....

 

[Bwy]

I can now report I solved it...well...errr...ummm.....shall we settle for it is completed......I just love Google....yer I did...I cheated ....but I would put a bet on that I am not the only one who cheated !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My friend has just seen this and he said ...........

"If you did not know something in your job you turn to the regs for guidance"

He went on to say..........

"you turned to Google for the answer what's the difference"

I like my friends I do....

 

[Badger]

:slap

 

[Badger]

:slap

 

[MalcyB]

:| :Applaud

 

[MalcyB]

:| :Applaud

 

[a1]

Got them all. So I am alright. Phew.

 

[a1]

Got them all. So I am alright. Phew.

 

[Larnacaman]

.

Brian Sulliva!n!!!

A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, "Perfect timing. You're just like "Brian!

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Brian Sullivan. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happen like that to Brian Sullivan, every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Brian Sullivan. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."

Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."

Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Brian Sullivan, he could do everything right."

Passenger: "Wow. Some guy then."

Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Brian, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Brian Sullivan."

Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"

Cabbie: "Well dont get me wrong here, but I never actually met Brian. He unfortunatly died. .....I just happen to be now married to his f***kin widow....." bad day explode :coat

 

[Larnacaman]

.

Brian Sulliva!n!!!

A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, "Perfect timing. You're just like "Brian!

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Brian Sullivan. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happen like that to Brian Sullivan, every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Brian Sullivan. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."

Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."

Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Brian Sullivan, he could do everything right."

Passenger: "Wow. Some guy then."

Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Brian, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Brian Sullivan."

Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"

Cabbie: "Well dont get me wrong here, but I never actually met Brian. He unfortunatly died. .....I just happen to be now married to his f***kin widow....." bad day explode :coat

 

[Larnacaman]

.

Big People Words!!!

This is funny.. Only from a teacher..

A group of children were trying very hard to become accustomed to Pre School ....

The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher

insisted on NO baby talk!

You need to use 'Big People' words,' she was always

reminding them.

She asked John what he had done over the weekend?

'I went to visit my Nana'.

No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER.

Use 'Big People' words!'

She then asked Mitchell what he had done

'I took a ride on a choo-choo'.

She said. 'No, you took a ride on a TRAIN.

You must remember to use 'Big People' words'.

She then asked little Alex what he had done?

'I read a book' he replied.

That's WONDERFUL!' the teacher said.

'What book did you read?'

( I love this.....)

Alex thought real hard about it,

then puffed out his chest with great pride, and said,

'Winnie the Shy***t'. :Blushing :innocent

 

[Larnacaman]

.

Big People Words!!!

This is funny.. Only from a teacher..

A group of children were trying very hard to become accustomed to Pre School ....

The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher

insisted on NO baby talk!

You need to use 'Big People' words,' she was always

reminding them.

She asked John what he had done over the weekend?

'I went to visit my Nana'.

No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER.

Use 'Big People' words!'

She then asked Mitchell what he had done

'I took a ride on a choo-choo'.

She said. 'No, you took a ride on a TRAIN.

You must remember to use 'Big People' words'.

She then asked little Alex what he had done?

'I read a book' he replied.

That's WONDERFUL!' the teacher said.

'What book did you read?'

( I love this.....)

Alex thought real hard about it,

then puffed out his chest with great pride, and said,

'Winnie the Shy***t'. :Blushing :innocent

 

[Larnacaman]

.

Dating in the 1960's

It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1961, and Fred had a date with Peggy Sue.

He arrived at her house and rang the bell.

'Oh, come on in!' Peggy Sue's mother said as she

welcomed Fred in.

'Have a seat in the living room.

Would you like something to drink?

Lemonade? Iced tea?'

'Iced tea, please,' Fred said.

Mom brought the iced tea.

'So, what are you and Peggy planning to do tonight?'

she asked.

'Oh, probably catch a movie,

and then maybe grab a bite to eat at

the malt shop, maybe take a walk on the beach..'

'Peggy likes to screw, you know,' Mom informed him.

'Really?' Fred replied, his eyebrows rising.

'Oh yes,' the mother continued,

'When she goes out with her friends,

that's all they do! Screw, again and again !!'

'Is that so?' asked Fred, incredulous.

'Yes,' said the mother.

'As a matter of fact, she'd screw all night if we let her!'

'Well, thanks for the tip!' Fred said as he began

thinking about alternate plans for the evening.

A moment later, Peggy Sue came down the stairs

looking pretty as a picture, wearing a pink blouse and

a hooped skirt, and with her hair tied back

in a bouncy ponytail.

She greeted Fred.

'Have fun, kids!' the mother said as they left.

Two hours later, a completely dishevelled Peggy Sue

burst into the house and slammed the

front door behind her.

'The Twist, Mum!' she angrily yelled to

her mother in the kitchen. 'The effing dance i like is called the Twist !!!'

 

[Larnacaman]

.

Dating in the 1960's

It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1961, and Fred had a date with Peggy Sue.

He arrived at her house and rang the bell.

'Oh, come on in!' Peggy Sue's mother said as she

welcomed Fred in.

'Have a seat in the living room.

Would you like something to drink?

Lemonade? Iced tea?'

'Iced tea, please,' Fred said.

Mom brought the iced tea.

'So, what are you and Peggy planning to do tonight?'

she asked.

'Oh, probably catch a movie,

and then maybe grab a bite to eat at

the malt shop, maybe take a walk on the beach..'

'Peggy likes to screw, you know,' Mom informed him.

'Really?' Fred replied, his eyebrows rising.

'Oh yes,' the mother continued,

'When she goes out with her friends,

that's all they do! Screw, again and again !!'

'Is that so?' asked Fred, incredulous.

'Yes,' said the mother.

'As a matter of fact, she'd screw all night if we let her!'

'Well, thanks for the tip!' Fred said as he began

thinking about alternate plans for the evening.

A moment later, Peggy Sue came down the stairs

looking pretty as a picture, wearing a pink blouse and

a hooped skirt, and with her hair tied back

in a bouncy ponytail.

She greeted Fred.

'Have fun, kids!' the mother said as they left.

Two hours later, a completely dishevelled Peggy Sue

burst into the house and slammed the

front door behind her.

'The Twist, Mum!' she angrily yelled to

her mother in the kitchen. 'The effing dance i like is called the Twist !!!'

 

[kerching]

walking around a Rest Home a visitor asked how the residents were assessed for dementia.

"Oh thats easy", the nurse replied and took the visitor into the bathroom. the bath was full of water. on the side of the bath was, a sieve, a teaspoon and a tea cup. We ask them ' What is the quickest way to empty the bath? '

the visitor replied indignantly, " tea cup, obviously!!"

Nurse replied..." we advise pulling out the bath plug . Do you want a double or single room"

 

[kerching]

walking around a Rest Home a visitor asked how the residents were assessed for dementia.

"Oh thats easy", the nurse replied and took the visitor into the bathroom. the bath was full of water. on the side of the bath was, a sieve, a teaspoon and a tea cup. We ask them ' What is the quickest way to empty the bath? '

the visitor replied indignantly, " tea cup, obviously!!"

Nurse replied..." we advise pulling out the bath plug . Do you want a double or single room"

 

[sellers]

I got 3 and 4 right so Im halfway there!